Finding Your Tribe

By Laura Wallace |  February 19, 2019

Your tribe. Your people. Your #1’s.

These are the people that are always on the front-line ready to tackle anything that comes your way. They motivate and support you, build you up, and encourage you. Think of them as your own personal cheerleading team: Some may be vocal, some are doers and get in the trenches with you, others might always be on the other end of the phone when you need them. While they may all support you in different ways, your tribe consists of the people you can count on. As humans, we crave meaningful connections to grow and learn.

You know you’re on solid tribe status with someone when you don’t feel like you have to clean up, put on makeup, or wear real pants for them. They’re also the people that come to mind first when you’re excited to tell someone something. You don’t have to be anything other than you and they’ll tell you when there’s something gnarly in your teeth at dinner. When you’re with these people, you feel energized and your tank is filled. These are the people you want to surround yourself with. The relationship comes so naturally that the connection feels effortless most of the time.

However, there are also people in your life that are energy-suckers. These could be people that are temporarily in your life (like a customer) or they could be more permanent residents (like a family member). Here are ways to identify energy-suckers:

  • You feel drained after being with them
  • You make a face and roll your head back when you see their name come across your phone
  • You have to adjust your personality when you’re with them
  • You’re afraid to share news, good or bad
  • You try to find a way to change plans to avoid being with them

Who in your life fits these characteristics? As tough as it is, it’s ok to let negative people go. This is way easier said than done and can cause a whole avalanche of emotions, but as a human – you have the right to say who can and can’t be in your life. Which is harder: Saying no to someone in fear of hurting them even though they make you feel bad on a regular basis OR facing the situation and removing the energy in exchange for more meaningful relationships? You’re facing a challenge either way – one is ongoing, the other happens and moves on.

The big hairy question is: How do you part ways? Do you send a box of chocolates that says, “It’s not me, it’s you”? Or go silent and never respond? In my experience, I’ve found that each relationship requires a different method. I wish I could give you the secret recipe for ditching shitty relationships, but this isn’t a one-size fits all scenario. In one case you may just silently drift apart. If it’s a client or someone you’re doing business with, there’s a tactful way to help them on to their next success (give them files, give them references for other service providers like yours, etc.).

You can also talk about it. Sometimes there’s a case of miscommunication, and if the other person doesn’t know how you feel they’ll never have a chance to adjust it. Creating distance and limiting how much time you’re spending with that person can also create healthy boundaries. Most importantly – and maybe one of the hardest pills to swallow – you don’t owe anyone an explanation. If you’re caring for yourself and protecting your energy, you don’t have to tell anyone.

Attracting and maintaining your tribe is an essential part of your business journey. You might be able to do this alone, but you’ll be a lot more successful and happier if you have like-minded people to support you along the way. Here are a few places to identify your tribe:

  • Friends
  • Family
  • Clients
  • Vendors/Partners
  • Employees
  • Organizations you’re part of
  • Services you offer

The best way to attract your tribe is to be who you are, regardless of who is around. Your energy is like a magnet and you’ll attract the love and support of the ones that appreciate you for who you are. Be transparent, go places you enjoy, do activities that you love… like-minded people tend to flock together.

Also, know what it is you need from different people. You may have a few unicorns in your life that wear many hats, but everyone doesn’t have to be everything to you. Your friend may be a great listener so you know where to go to vent, whereas your business coach may be a great problem solver and can help you overcome business challenges.

I challenge you to really evaluate the people you spend your time with and ask yourself: “Does this person make me a better or worse version of myself?” Also, turn the mirror and look at yourself: How are you showing up in your relationships?; What role do you play for others?

If you’re finding you need help identifying who these people are and what characteristics they portray, download our FREE tribe worksheet!

 

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